The Domestic Church
What is the Domestic Church?
The Domestic Church, simply put, is a Christian family. The term originated in the earliest days of our faith to describe how the small society of the family, in its own way, embodies the Church. The foundation of the Domestic Church is the sacramental bond of marriage – this bond is created between husband and wife on the day of their marriage, and it continues to exist until one of them dies.
The strength of the Domestic Church will be the strength of the Church in our time of apostolic mission. Strong Domestic Churches will lead to the healing of the priesthood, the renewal of families, and a renewed vigor in the life of faith.
Living out the Bond of Marriage
The bond is not an automatic ‘dispensary of grace’. Just like the other sacraments, each person must engage with this sacrament with the proper dispositions to maximally receive the grace available. Spouses receive more fully the grace of their bond the more deeply they enter into prayer with one another. Every form of prayer together is a good and noble thing. Yet those who enter in, with one another, into a living prayer of the heart will find the most grace. This means that, in God’s presence, they express and pray with each other’s holy desires, wounds & insecurities, and petitions. Their spousal intimacy extends to the deepest reaches of the heart – to spiritual intimacy rooted in their joint participation in the life of grace. When this kind of intimacy is present, so too is the love of the Bridegroom and Bride (Christ and the Church), and the Domestic Church is built on the most secure foundation. (If spouses wish to grow in deep spiritual intimacy, they may consider using the prayer card “Divine Love with your Spouse” to guide 10-minute nightly prayer together. See Appendix 2.).
Welcoming Others into the Communion of Love
The nature of the Domestic Church, like the Church herself, is communion in mystery. When spouses live with real spiritual intimacy, they are capable of welcoming others into this sacred place of trust, love, and vulnerability. The great mystery of God’s purifying grace that is present in their bond may be opened-up to welcome other hearts into their communion of love. This is most evident when spouses welcome a new child, but it is true as well of guests and friends whom they welcome into their home. In a holy bond of marriage, the Church exists in a very pure form — the deep mutual knowing of persons and knowing of God is held so closely together. When someone encounters this pure love of the Church within a home, it is nearly impossible to resist moving toward deeper conversion and finding joy in holy things.
The Art of ‘Drawing-In’
For the spouses, there is an art to drawing-in others. Their desire to bring others into their love is the most powerful engine, but it is helpful to have the right mentality. This art is a way of ‘seeing’ the guest with contemplative receptivity and conversing in a way that shows this loving attentiveness.
The art is of seeing, noticing, even pressing — with extraordinary delicacy and tact — into the hearts of the guests. A human heart purified by agape-love draws in, holds close, wants to love, wants to know. It does not force, but nor does it tire or draw back from expressing infinite care, love, and tenderness. It is open to receive the depths of spirituality, or of wounds, or simply to delight pleasantly in the presence and companionship of a friend. When this kind of love is present in the bond of marriage, it invites those it encounters to experience healing and transformation. This love alone answers the broken heart’s unspoken desire for healing and grace.
The spouses together move in conversation to show this loving attentiveness to the guest. They have no set goal of “talking spiritually” or of “uncovering wounds” — but simply engage the art of seeing deeply and loving well. Those practicing this art seek to be docile to the Holy Spirit in the entirety of the conversation.
Discerning the Spousal-Familial Mission
As spouses begin to see that their deepest contribution to evangelization comes through their marriage bond, they need good rules of discernment for their marriage. The approach to discernment should be simple, I suggest engaging only three questions:
(1) Do both of us desire the proposed action?
(2) Is our desire motivated by self-giving love, inspired by the Lord (as opposed to hidden fears or insecurities)?
(3) Is it realistic given our life-circumstances to proceed with this action?
If all three answers come back positive, the spouses can be confident their proposed action is in harmony with the will of God. If there is disagreement, they may take more time in prayer & conversation to discern the desires and fears of their hearts.
Practically speaking, this means the spouses will likely talk to determine the proposed ‘action’ (which could be one or both helping in a parish ministry, welcoming a new baby to the family, or as simple as having someone over for dinner). Then they will pray separately to see where their hearts are at, before speaking once more and coming to a decision. If it is a simple thing and both spouses are convicted from the outset, there is no reason to engage the whole process. The way this discernment is carried out in practice will vary a great deal depending on the personalities and spiritual lives of the spouses.
Spiritual Joy in Spousal Love
As spouses grow in spiritual maturity and enter together into Jesus’ healing fountainhead of grace, the Church herself is healed. Not only will spouses live less in fear for their children’s future, but also actively become a source of healing within the wider community. The nature of their joy in one another will grow more God-like as they together feel the delight of bringing forth new grace-filled life that is the fruit of their bond of marriage.
For those spouses who have not yet fully embraced the graces of the bond of marriage— do not be afraid! Pray with one another. Reveal your hearts to one another — your deep desires, feelings, and thoughts, and together, each day, invite Jesus to become your happiness in your life together.
